Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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