You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
