I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She's just so happy...and so naked.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
