We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
