Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
