Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
