Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
no, he came in my armpit
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
