Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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