Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
