Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
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