my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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