You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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