Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
