Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
