If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Randomize
