Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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