absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
