i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
