We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
