whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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