I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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