ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
