Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
