I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
