I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
