bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
