i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
