I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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