its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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