like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
