Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
