There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
