Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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