Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
