I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
