he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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