I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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