ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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