Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
