I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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