one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
