dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she told me i tasted like america
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Come on in and take your pants off
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