who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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