I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
