there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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