i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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