i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
