Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
