i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
