Whatcha textin bout Willis?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
