I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
