He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
