This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
