I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
