the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
that's an acceptable place to lick
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
