I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
